i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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