dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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