wakey wakey hands off snakey
Banned from zoo.
Again?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize