I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
