Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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