hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
