I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
