I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
