her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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