also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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