Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
