I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
