I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Randomize
