What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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