So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am available for nakedness
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
