your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
