Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
