what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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