Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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