Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
