I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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