"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Randomize
