Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
