well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
