i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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