I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
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