she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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