i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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