NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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