if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
our cab driver is having phone sex.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
