when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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