Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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