just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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