you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
