Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize