Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
