She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
