I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
