His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize
