u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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