So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
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