Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
