Pants 0. Shit 1.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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