we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I don't deserve a penis
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
