I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
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