I'm lost and stupid without you.
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize