I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
