I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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