I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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