My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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