Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Can I color on your dick again?
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Randomize
