why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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