life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
