Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Randomize