im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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