she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
