That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
