Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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