and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
