forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
