Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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