Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize
