His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
As shirtless as possible
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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