Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize