I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
