ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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