His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
