i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
