he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
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