It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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