I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
