Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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