TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize