The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My underwear smells like fireworks.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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