Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
