Already got asked if we're dating
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
