The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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