Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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