She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
why is half of my head shaved?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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