I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize