I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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