i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
