Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I need water and some morals
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize