i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
