I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
