he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
