when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
