It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
so much tequila, so little girl.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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