i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
