sarcasm needs its own font
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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