I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
