Old men and throwing up are my life now.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
