also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
