the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
