Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
