If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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