What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
