you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
