Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Did I show you my penis last night?
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
