his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
