Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
