What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
My dad just said "fuck circus"
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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