So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
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