ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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