I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
