Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
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