An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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