Tell her she can't have a vagina
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
