He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
