I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
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