he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
