I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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