arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
